Today my heart is very heavy, I had a fight with a potential romantic partner the other day and it was an intense fight and may have ended our communications. Human communications absolutely fascinate me, you can work so hard to be clear and concise yet, still be misunderstood or heard through the filters of the other person. Part of the reason for this is that, quite frankly, it is so hard to conceive of OTHER! We forget that someone else has their own way of seeing things. Being clear and precise by our own standards does nothing to tells us how we will be perceived.
Another very important part of communicating is what is not said. The thing we take for granted or simply believe will be understood, how could anyone not understand. Well it is rather easy to be misunderstood.
One of the aspects of communications that we also forget is. what do we want and or expect from the communication? Most of us go into every discussion with a motive and/or a desire which we do not fully express, (what is not being said), let alone how is that desire or motive affecting the way we express what we are trying or trying not to say! Iinfluenced by the conditions, usually unspoken and often unconscious, that we are feeling and unknowingly putting on the love and putting out there through our communications. No one can be one hundred percent aware of every aspect of discussion and the influences involved, but holding the awareness that they exist and may be forming your expression is a very humbling benefit.
Romantic love, no matter how you turn it, is conditional! No matter which way you turn it, look at it or anything you do to perceive it differently, it will remain conditional. That is the nature of loving romantically. Be aware of that and you may gain an insight into it and how you are relating or not, to your partner!! But you will never be able to control every aspect of it, because there is someone else involved, who is not you. That seems overly simplistic, but it is not. Not only do they have their own way of perceiving things, but they have their own way of PROCESSING things as well. One thing that cannot be easily known is how someone else processes information, because we all must go through our process to understand something!
One of the most hidden and fundamental needs or conditions of Romantic love , is the the inner child's need to be loved without question. So Many influences from our childhood become manipulators of our behavior, it is at best difficult to know them all or keep up with them. If we are willing to pay attention we can learn a great deal about who we are and why. This brings into play one very important aspect of all communications, the willingness to take responsibility, self-responsibility.. Our willingness to look first at ourselves and see what we could have done differently, before we look at and/or into someone else. This is a key understanding, that can change everything!
One more thing that is particularly hard to hold onto where romantic love is concerned, is remembering that no matter what is going on, you are learning a life lesson! That and remembering, if it is happening on the outside it started on the inside and no matter what it is, it is reflecting your inner emotions or beliefs and you created it so that you could look at it, perceive it and do something about it that is appropriate to your growth!
None of this has actually helped me sort out the argument, but it is helping me deal with it and not take it as final in any understanding. That is why I say there may not be an answer, except survive it, try to understand it and keep going! Sometimes that is the answer to many things in life, survive it, try to understand it and keep going.